The Twelve Battles of Command and Conquer
by Luke Danger
Summary: What happens when all the Westwood!C&C old units along with some new-gen 'shoutout' units from EA get together for some holiday spirit? Only Kane knows... a spoof of "The Twelve Days of Christmas" as a holiday gift for all the C&C fans out there.


**The Twelve Days of C&C: A Spoof**

_**How this Rolls: What can I say, a C&C Song fic spoof for the holidays. Lyrics are as you normally hear them. Anything in parentheses is any other lines said by the unit either overriding or alongside the lyrics, said as in-game or with the same voices. Imagine the units are singing their parts too for extra lulz (Insert CABAL or EVA for buildings). You know how the song goes, I just wish I could type it that way, lol.**_

_**And so, without further ado, the Twelve Days (or Battles) of Command and Conquer**_

_XXX_

_On the First day of Christmas, Westwood gave to me..._

_A __**brand new MCV**_. ("Construction Complete!")

XX

_On the Second day of Christmas, Westwood gave to me..._

_Two __**Kodiaks**_(They still there?)

_And a __**brand new MCV!**_

XX

_On the Third day of Christmas, Westwood gave to me..._

_Three __**Stealth Tanks**_ (Sshhhhhh!)

_Two__** Kodiaks**_

_And a __**brand new MCV!**_

XX

_On the Fourth day of Christmas, Westwood gave to me..._

_Four __**Mastodons**_ (Almost there...)

_Three __**Stealth Tanks**_

_Two __**Kodiaks**_

_And a __**brand new MCV!**_

XX

_On the Fifth day of Christmas, Westwood gave to me..._ (OH I know where this is going...)  
**FIVE... MAMMOTH TANKS!** (Roll over them!)

_Four __**Mastodons**_

_Three __**Stealth Tanks**_

_Two __**Kodiaks**_

_And a __**brand new MCV!**_

XX

_On the Sixth day of Christmas, Westwood gave to me..._

_Six _**Obelisks** (Humm... pew)

_**FIVE MAMMOTH TANKS!**_

_Four__** Mastodons**_

_Three __**Stealth Tanks**_

_Two __**Kodiaks**_

_And a __**brand new MCV!**_

XX

_On the Seventh day of Christmas, Westwood gave to me..._

_Seven __**Flame Tanks**__ flaming_ (Burn... BURN!)

_Six __**Obelisks**_

_**FIVE MAMMOTH TANKS**_

_Four__** Mastodons**_

_Three __**Stealth Tanks**_

_Two __**Kodiaks**_

_And a __**brand new MCV!**_

XX

_On the Eighth day of Christmas, Westwood gave to me..._

_Eight __**Ion Cannons**_(Ion Cannon Ready!)

_Seven __**Flame Tanks**__ flaming_

_Six__** Obelisks**_

_**FIVE MAMMOTH TANKS**_ (Back ta Base!)

_Four__** Mastodons**_

_Three __**Stealth Tanks**_

_Two __**Kodiaks**_

_And a __**brand new MCV!**_

XX

_On the Ninth day of Christmas, Westwood gave to me..._

_Nine__**Bikers**__ biking_ (HahaYEAH!)

_Eight__** Ion Cannons**_

_Seven __**Flame Tanks **__flaming_

_Six __**Obelisks**_

_**FIVE MAMMOTH TANKS**_

_Four __**Mastodons**_

_Three __**Stealth Tanks**_

_Two __**Kodiaks**_

_And a __**brand new MCV!**_

XX

_On the Tenth day of Christmas, Westwood gave to me..._

_Ten __**Tit**__-__**tans**_. (Titan ready!)

_Nine __**Bikers**__ biking_

_Eight__** Ion Cannons**_

(_The singing BURNS!)  
Six __**Obelisks**_

_**FIVE MAMMOTH TANKS**_ (More like the twelve decades of C&C!)

_Four __**Mastodons**_ (Eliminate it!)

_Three __**Stealth Tanks**_ (Hit it! Hurry!)

_Two __**Kodiaks**_

_And a __**brand new MCV!**_

XX

_On the Eleventh day of Christmas, Westwood gave to me..._

_Eleven_ _**Cyborgs**_ _gunning_ (Listen to the sounds of your own extinction!)

_Ten_ _**Titans**_(Steel Talons don't retreat!)

_Nine __**Bikers**__ biking_

_Eight__** Ion Cannons**_

_Seven__** Flame Tanks**__flaming_ (Burn the heretics! NOW!)_  
Six __**Obelisks**_

_**FIVE MAMMOTH TANKS**_

_Four __**Mastodons**_ (WHAT? RETURN FIRE!)

_Three __**Stealth Tanks**_

_Two __**Kodiaks**_ (We're under _attack_?)

_And a __**brand new MCV!**_

XX

_On the Twelfth day of Christmas, Westwood gave to me..._

_Twelve_ _**Gamers gaming**_ (Hax!)

_Eleven __**Cyborgs**__ gunning_ (Prepare for the final sweep!)

_Ten_- (Ground and pound!)

_Nine __**Bikers**__ bike-_ (Let's go!)

_Eight __**Ion Cannons**_ (Ion Cannon Activated)

_Sev-_ (**Burn them! Burn them!**)

_Six__** Obelisk- **__(Zap)_

**FIVE MAMMOTH TANKS!** (Take 'em down!)

_Four __**Mastodons**_(This little uprising won't go unnoticed!)

_Three__** Stealth Tanks**_ (Hurry before they retaliate!)

_Two__** Kodiaks**_ (Spill on aisle twelve!)

_And a __**brand new M.C.V.**_

XX

XX

XX

XX

XX

_One Song Later..._

Mammoth Tank: "Glad that's over!"

CABAL: "The chances of a favorable outcome..."

EVA: "Unit Lost."

Titan: "Who spiked the [bleep] Eggnog?"

Wolverine: "I think I wet my suit watching that..."

Stealth Tank: "I just hope the audience didn't see us..."

Tick Tank: "If Slavik saw that..."

Attack Buggy: "Least we didn't get beat by a cheerleader and her slacker boyfriend..."

Kodiak: _"_That'd of been less humiliating than _this_... atrocity! _**THIS **_was just _embarrassing!_"

CABAL: "... they all DIE!"

Medic: "Can't cure stupid..."

Titan: "Next holiday season we pound this Luke Danger guy into the ground..."

Mammoth Tank: "Roll over 'im! He writes horrible fanfics!"

Stealth Tank: "Get the rockets ready! Retake C&C!"

CABAL: "By the way..._missile launch detected_! BUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Kodiak: "Finish him off! No Crossovers!"

_**HAVOC**_: "_This'll be left-handed_." [pistol cock]

C&C

C&C

_Luke Danger: I should probably sign off now... I've offended them!_

C&C

C&C

**Happy Holidays everyone, here's a little holiday treat. Did it during school. Originally had "Disruptors" instead of gamers, but that works. Probably sounds a lot funnier if you heard Blizzard's **_**The Twelve Days of Starcraft**_**, which is where I got the inspiration for this.**


End file.
